It's over the fact that I will never be able to see Elliott Smith live, It's over the fact that no matter how many songs I listen to, I will never be able to see him play them. It's a stupid thing to get upset over, but the feeling just hit me, sitting here, while I was singing along to Between The Bars. I think it's the finiteness (is that a word?) of the situation that really gets me. It's not something I can strive to do, or wrangle, or save up for, because he's gone. And that really sucks.
Elliott took his own life on October 21st, in 2003. He stabbed himself in the heart with a kitchen knife, twice. He must have been in fairly dark place to stab himself, it just seems unreal. There's this whole conspiracy around his death, some claim it was homicide. He left a post it reading "I'm so sorry- Love, Elliot. God forgive me."
The misspelling of his name fuels the homicide theory, I personally don't really buy it. Someone in the throws of suicide isn't really going to take spelling into account, and it wasn't his real name anyway. He chose it after high school, originally Steven. He thought Steve sounded too "Jockish" and Steven too "Bookish".
I love that he chose it. I myself really like the name Elliott, long before I'd heard his music. There's something so special about it now, knowing that someone as interesting and unique as Elliott chose it.
The lump has gone now :). I must learn not to listen to his music when I am tired and fragile! I just love it too much.
RIP Elliott, We Miss You
No comments:
Post a Comment